SDMX (somniamagus) wrote,

Never finished, only abandoned.

For the past month, I've had a small lump on the left of my throat that's made swallowing and breathing painful and difficult at various times. 'Lump' is quite the loaded word when it refers to something unexpectedly sticking out of your neck, so I've tried to remain calm at the implication of what it could be. Of course, the C word comes to mind. How could it not, given that we just lost an incredible musical talent to it this very week. It's all I can focus on.

And that's kind of sad, really.

I've been thinking that the first world had an odd relationship with cancer as a whole. It's one of the few things that consistently reminds of our temporary status here, of how easily we can be unseated from this self-deluded seat of power atop the world. And that shit really sticks in our craw. We've conquered almost every other major disease, sometimes to the embarrassing point of making it do our dirty work, like using modified versions of HIV to inject our own custom code into cells. Cancer, however, remains the stubborn exception.

The American relationship with Cancer actually feels somewhat arrogant to me now, I guess. Of course Cancer was the first thing I jumped to when I felt the lump in my neck, what else could it be? What else could kill an affluent white male of the first world?

If nothing else, it's a reminder of what's been left undone for me over the past two years: A teetering mountain of possibility, rotting as the seconds pass, their magic evaporating in the unrelenting afternoon sun.
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